How to Self-Soothe Anxious Attachment

Anxious attachment is a common condition in which individuals feel insecure, anxious, and fearful.

They might feel overwhelmed by their emotions, leading to low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and sadness. If you are struggling with these feelings, it can be challenging to manage your emotions, and you might feel powerless.

There are ways to self-soothe and cope, which can significantly improve one's well-being and quality of life.

What Is Self-Regulation?

Self-regulation controls one's emotions, thoughts, and behaviours in response to internal and external stimuli.

It is a crucial skill for individuals with anxious attachment because it allows them to manage their reactions effectively and avoid destructive behaviours and emotional outbursts.

Self-regulation involves identifying triggers that may cause distress or anxiety and developing coping mechanisms to soothe oneself healthily.

One effective method of self-soothing is grounding techniques. Grounding techniques involve focusing on sensory experiences in the present moment, such as deep breathing, feeling the ground beneath one's feet or hands, and observing one's surroundings.

These techniques help individuals feel more connected to their physical environment and less overwhelmed by racing thoughts and emotions.

Securely Attached Reactions

One effective way to cope is through self-soothing. Self-soothing means using strategies to calm and comfort oneself when feeling anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed.

By practising self-soothing, individuals can learn to regulate their emotions and build a sense of security rather than solely relying on their partners for comfort.

For individuals with securely attached reactions, self-soothing techniques may involve engaging in activities that promote relaxation and mindfulness. This may include deep breathing, meditation, yoga, listening to calming music, or engaging in a gentle exercise like walking or stretching.

These types of activities can help to quiet the mind and reduce feelings of anxiety and stress.

Read more on Signs of Secure Attachment in Adults.


One of the most effective ways to self-soothe is through talking. Expressing your fears and worries to a trusted friend, family member, or an experienced psychic expert can help you release the negative energy you have been holding inside. This release can be therapeutic and calming, providing you with a sense of relief and reassurance.

When speaking to someone about your feelings, choosing a supportive and understanding person who can provide you with validation and empathy is essential. This individual should also be a good listener, allowing you to speak freely about your feelings without interrupting or judging you.

Focusing on your feelings and emotions is essential during your conversation rather than attempting to rationalise or analyse them. You can gain clarity and perspective on your thoughts and worries by simply sharing how you feel.

You can also use talking to work through your anxieties and develop new coping strategies. By discussing your fears with a professional therapist, you can learn valuable techniques to manage your anxiety symptoms and improve your relationship anxiety.

Writing Feelings

When coping with attachment experiences, writing down your feelings can be a highly effective technique to soothe yourself.

To get started, find a quiet and comfortable space where you feel safe and relaxed. Take a few deep breaths to calm your nerves and allow yourself to focus on the present moment.

When you're ready, pick up a pen and a notebook and pour your thoughts and emotions onto the page. Writing with as much detail and factual accuracy as possible is essential to make the most out of this exercise.

As you continue to write, tap into your feelings' root causes. Reflect on the past painful experiences that may have contributed to your patterns of anxiety in relationships. Perhaps explore any childhood traumas or negative relationship dynamics that may have left a lasting impression on you.

By delving deeper into these underlying issues, you can better understand your triggers and work towards healing your attachment style.

Writing down your feelings in a journal can be a form of self-therapy, allowing you to sense your emotions constructively.

Therapy or Meditation

Anxious attachment is a term used in psychology to describe the anxiety, where an individual becomes overly anxious or worried about their attachment relationships.

Those with attachment insecurity may experience intense anxiety, stress, and insecurity in relationships, making it challenging to maintain healthy, loving relationships.

Fortunately, there are many strategies that individuals can use to ease their feelings, and two of the most effective techniques are therapy and meditation.

A trained psychic therapist can help individuals explore their emotions and identify the root causes of their anxieties. By focusing on the underlying fears and triggers that lead to their inconsistent behaviour, individuals can better understand themselves and develop new coping mechanisms.

In addition to talking therapy, many therapists use evidence-based techniques like cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) to help individuals manage their anxiety. CBT is a structured, goal-oriented approach that helps individuals learn how to recognise and change negative thoughts and beliefs.

By reframing their thoughts and ideas, individuals can manage their anxiety more effectively and develop a more positive, self-affirming outlook on life.

Meditation is another technique that can be helpful for anxiety disorders. Various studies have shown that meditation can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and stress by calming the mind and promoting a sense of inner peace. 

There are various types of meditation that individuals can practice, including mindfulness meditation, guided meditation, and yoga. Each technique offers a unique approach to calming the mind and promoting relaxation.

Individuals may need to experiment with different methods to see what works best.


Exercise produces endorphins, which are neurotransmitters that create a feeling of pleasure and well-being.

An individual can achieve the same result that an anti-anxiety medication may provide while engaging in physical activity.

This activity not only helps to lower cortisol levels, a hormone produced when an individual is experiencing stress, but it also stimulates the production of serotonin, a chemical that contributes to happiness.

Moreover, engaging in physical activity also helps to keep the mind distracted from negative thoughts and promotes the idea of a positive self-image.

It is important to note that the type of exercise an individual chooses to engage in is less important than the consistency of the activity. Be it running, weightlifting, hiking, or yoga, if the activity is consistent will be beneficial.

Remove Self From Situations

It is essential to recognise and understand the situations that trigger anxiety attachment.

This includes anything from social events, romantic relationships, or work environments. If you find that a particular situation or person triggers makes your anxiety worse, it may be helpful to take a step back and remove yourself from the situation.

Removing oneself from triggering situations can help reduce the overwhelming emotions often accompanying these painful feelings.

This can be done by temporarily avoiding social events, taking a break from a romantic relationship, or finding alternative work arrangements.

It is important to note that removing oneself from triggering situations should be done healthily and intentionally. Communicating clearly and honestly with others while maintaining healthy boundaries is essential. 

Anxiously Attached Reactions

Anxiously attachment style is characterised by a heightened sensitivity to perceived abandonment or rejection, leading to a constant need for reassurance and approval from others.

Negative thinking can manifest in various ways, including obsessive thoughts, compulsive behaviours, and intense emotional reactions. 

Managing this condition requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to try new approaches.

By practising mindfulness, challenging negative self-talk, engaging in relaxation techniques, communicating your needs clearly, and seeking support from others, you can learn to soothe yourself and navigate relationships more healthily.

Continuously Thinking About Relationship

It is common to continuously think about your relationship, leading to feelings of distress and overwhelming emotions. 

First and foremost, it's essential to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Suppressing or denying your emotions can make them stronger, so allow yourself to feel whatever comes up without trying to push it away.

Try to engage in activities that help calm your nervous system. Deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or yoga, can help slow down your racing thoughts and bring you into the present moment.

Creating a self-care routine prioritising your physical, emotional, and mental well-being can also help manage relationship-related anxiety.

This could include activities such as taking a warm bath, walking in nature, journaling, or talking to the team at Trusted Psychics, who help people every day with Self Soothe Attachment with some excellent results.

Trying to Be Close to Partner

Trying to be close to your partner is characterised by the fear of abandonment and the tendency to seek constant reassurance from a romantic partner. 

This often leads to emotional distress, especially when the individual feels their partner is emotionally distant or unavailable. Learning how to self-soothe is essential to help manage these feelings of anxiety and maintain a healthy relationship.

Self-soothing involves developing strategies to regulate emotions and calm oneself during distress.

It is an essential tool to help them feel more secure in their relationships. The following are some ways to self-soothe anxious attachment when trying to be close to a partner:

Blame Game or Guilt

The blame game is when an individual perceives their partner as responsible for their negative emotions.

Such a thought process does not allow for personal responsibility for one's emotions and can lead to a toxic cycle of blame and victimisation.

It is essential to understand that one's partner may not always be the cause of their anxiety, and understanding this can help in reframing thoughts and avoiding the blame game.

Guilt-tripping oneself is also an unhealthy coping mechanism. It involves constantly criticising oneself for perceived flaws or mistakes instead of recognising and addressing them.

Over time, this can create a negative self-image and increase anxiety. Instead, individuals can practice self-compassion and forgiveness. This includes acknowledging one's emotions while validating oneself for taking steps towards improving their mental health. 


When experiencing intense anxiety when separated from loved one’s, a common emotional response is anger.

When triggered, people with high anxiety levels may resort to explosive outbursts, desperate pleas for attention, or passive-aggressive behaviour to alleviate their distress.

Managing angry outbursts is essential for individuals struggling with an anxious attachment style.

People can self-regulate their emotions and develop healthier, more fulfilling relationships by recognising physical signs of anger, taking a time-out, challenging negative thinking patterns, practising mindfulness, and seeking professional help.

Focusing on Threats

Focusing on threats can be an effective way to reduce anxiety and help individuals feel more emotionally stable.

Anxiety arises in response to perceived threats that do not necessarily pose a real danger to the individual. Therefore, addressing the root cause of these anxious thoughts and feelings can help overcome anxious attachment.

Triggers for Someone Anxiously Attached

Common triggers for individuals with an anxious attachment style include rejection, being ignored, or neglected, lack of responsiveness from their partner, being criticised or judged, and feeling emotionally disconnected.

Once these triggers have been identified, one can develop a self-soothing plan to recognise and address the root cause of the anxious thoughts and feelings.

A few strategies to include are mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, and grounding exercises.

Distant Partner

If you are struggling in a relationship with a distant partner, learning how to self-soothe when you are feeling overwhelmed can be helpful.

Attachment anxiety can be defined as a fear of abandonment and a constant need for reassurance from your partner. If your partner is distant or emotionally unavailable, it can trigger feelings of anxiety and panic.

Practicing mindfulness helps you focus on the present moment without judgment. It can help to tune out anxious thoughts and calm your mind.

Partner Forgetting Key Event

If a partner forgets a key important event or fails to meet their expectations, this can trigger feelings of insecurity and anxiety.

It is normal to feel upset or disappointed when your partner forgets an important date. Expressing your feelings to your partner and communicating your expectations for future events is okay.

However, it is equally important to practice self-care and self-compassion, as this will help you regulate your emotions and avoid spiralling into negative thought patterns.

Partner Gets Home Late

It's important to acknowledge that feeling worried in this situation is an entirely normal response. However, it's also important to remind yourself that your partner's late arrival likely has nothing to do with you.

There could be various reasons why they are running behind and giving them the benefit of the doubt is essential.

If your thoughts are still racing and you're having trouble calming down, distracting yourself with a calming activity can be helpful. This might include reading a book, doing a puzzle, or listening to calming music.

The key is to choose an activity that is soothing to you and allows you to release your anxious thoughts.

Lack of Response

When an anxious individual fails to receive a response from someone they care about, it can trigger intense anxiety and insecurity.

These feelings can be overwhelming and cause the individual to engage in counterproductive behaviours or even harm their relationships.

Acknowledging and accepting that the individual's feelings are valid and that feeling anxious about a lack of response from someone they care about is understandable.

In addition, the individual can engage in self-care activities that promote relaxation and calmness to reduce feelings of anxiety.

Partner Unawareness

An anxious attachment style is characterised by a fear of abandonment and a strong need for closeness with one's partner.

This is often fuelled by past experiences of inconsistent or neglectful care from caregivers, leading the person to develop a heightened sensitivity to potential signs of rejection or disconnection in their adult relationships.

By building a secure attachment with a responsive and supportive partner, individuals with an anxious attachment style can begin to heal past wounds and move towards a more confident and secure sense of self.

Self-Soothing for Anxious Attachment

One of the most effective ways to self-soothe is by practising self-compassion.

This involves being kind and gentle with oneself, especially during difficult moments of intrusive thoughts and unpleasant emotions.

The goal is to cultivate a positive inner voice that can offer comfort and encouragement in times of distress and to let go of self-criticism and judgment that can exacerbate anxiety.

Managing Anger

Learning how to self-soothe can be incredibly helpful when managing anger in individuals. Individuals tend to experience heightened emotions, leading to a greater likelihood of experiencing anger or frustration.

Firstly, it is essential to recognise the early signs of anger, such as tension in the body, racing thoughts, or a feeling of overwhelming frustration.

Once these early signs have been recognised, it is essential to act before the anger has a chance to escalate.

One technique for managing anger in individuals is deep breathing. Taking slow and deliberate breaths can help to calm the body and mind, leading to a reduction in anger.

Another technique is muscle relaxation. Individuals with anxious attachments can release built-up tension and promote calmness by consciously tensing and then releasing different muscle groups in the body.

Practising Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a popular practice that has gained traction in the last five years, with more and more individuals recognising its benefits. It involves directing attention to the present moment without judgment, non-reactively, and with curiosity and openness.

Mindfulness practice has been shown to have several positive effects on both physical and emotional well-being.

Scientific research has demonstrated that mindfulness can help to reduce stress and anxiety, improve mood, and enhance cognitive function. It has also been linked to improved relationships, greater resilience, and reduced symptoms of depression.

Additionally, mindfulness has been found to positively impact physical health, with studies suggesting it can lower blood pressure, reduce chronic pain, and boost immune function.

Controlling Negative Thoughts

Controlling negative thoughts can be a challenging task, but through consistent efforts and skills, it is possible to achieve this goal.

The first step in controlling negative thoughts is to identify them. Negative thoughts can manifest in various ways, such as self-criticism, self-doubt, and negative beliefs about oneself.

Once negative thoughts have been identified, it is crucial to challenge them. This can be achieved by questioning the validity of these thoughts and providing evidence that contradicts them. 

Therapy or Meditation

Deciding between therapy and meditation can be a challenging task. Both are popular methods of managing stress and anxiety and have been praised for their ability to promote mental and emotional well-being.

Therapy, also known as talk therapy or psychotherapy, is a form of treatment that involves talking to a therapist or psychic counsellor.

Therapy aims to help people identify and address the emotional and psychological issues that are causing them distress.

Therapy sessions can take on different formats, including individual, group, or couples therapy. They may include a range of techniques, such as cognitive-behavioural therapy, psychodynamic therapy, or mindfulness-based therapy.

Meditation, on the other hand, is a practice that involves training the mind to focus on the present moment, often through guided visualisations, breathing exercises, and deep relaxation.

Research has shown that regular meditation can lead to several benefits, including reduced anxiety and depression symptoms, increased emotional regulation, and improved concentration.


Numerous studies have demonstrated the positive effects of exercise on stress levels. For example, a study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology found that walking in nature significantly reduced cortisol levels, a hormone associated with stress.

Another study published in the Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology found that regular exercise was associated with lower levels of perceived stress, improved mood, and better overall well-being.

Overall, exercise offers a valuable and effective solution to the problems caused by stress. By exercising regularly, an individual can improve their physical and mental well-being, leading to a more fulfilling and stress-free life.


One effective self-soothing technique is writing. Writing can be a powerful tool for processing emotions and better understanding one's thoughts and feelings.

By putting their thoughts and emotions onto paper, individuals can gain perspective and clarity, allowing them to identify and address underlying issues contributing to their anxiety.

When writing, allowing oneself to express their emotions without judgment or criticism is essential.

This can be done through free writing, where individuals write without stopping, editing, or censoring themselves.

By allowing their thoughts and emotions to flow freely, individuals can gain a greater understanding of their inner world, allowing them to identify patterns, triggers, and coping mechanisms that may be hindering their emotional growth.

Love Readings

According to experts, many people constantly fear abandonment and rejection. Individuals with this disorder tend to have intense emotions and overthink situations in their relationships, leading to significant distress and dysfunction.

However, love readings by an experienced psychic can help alleviate some of these anxieties and provide a sense of clarity and peace.

Psychics can tap into the spiritual realm to give guidance and insight into the client's romantic life by phone or voice chat, live messenger, or SMS.

One of the benefits of love readings by an experienced psychic is that it helps individuals gain a deeper understanding of their emotions and relationships. Through love and relationship readings, psychics can identify any emotional blocks or negative patterns hindering individuals' ability to form healthy connections with others.

Furthermore, psychics can provide valuable advice on overcoming challenges in their romantic life, including finding a compatible partner or improving communication with their current partner. This guidance can help individuals feel more confident and secure in their relationships, leading to greater happiness and fulfilment.

Overall, love readings by an experienced psychic can be an effective tool for individuals to gain insight and clarity into their romantic life. Through the guidance of a genuine psychic, they can learn to overcome their fears and insecurities and build a healthy, fulfilling relationships with themselves and others.


How Do You Calm Down an Anxious Attachment System?

Anxious attachment style is a common psychological phenomenon characterised by fear, anxiety, and a strong desire for close emotional connections.

This is often associated with insecurity and fear of abandonment and can lead to various negative emotions and behaviours, including jealousy, clinginess, and frustration when one's partner is unavailable.

If you or someone you know is struggling, several strategies can help calm down this emotional response.

One of the essential steps is recognising and acknowledging the anxious thoughts and feelings driving the attachment system. This can be done through mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, which help to increase self-awareness and reduce stress and anxiety.

Another essential strategy is building a support network of trusted friends and family members who can provide emotional validation and support during stress and anxiety.

What Triggers an Anxious Attachment?

Ongoing attachment patterns can be triggered by a variety of factors, including early childhood experiences of inconsistent or unpredictable caregiving, parental divorce or abandonment, neglect, or abuse.

Individuals who grow up with little emotional support and security may develop a deep-seated fear of rejection or abandonment, which shapes their attachment style and relationships throughout their lives.

The feelings of abandonment can be triggered by negative life experiences such as break-ups, job loss, or traumatic events.

These triggers can activate unconscious fears of rejection or abandonment, leading to heightened anxiety, clingy behaviour, and distrust in relationships.

How Do You Rewire an Anxious Attachment?

Exploring one's past and experiences that led to various emotional triggers is essential.

This can be done through therapy, where a qualified therapist can help identify the root cause of anxiety and undue attachment.

Once the root cause is identified, working on creating a positive self-image is essential. This can be achieved by developing self-compassion, self-love, and self-care routines. Recognising the negative beliefs and biases that come with these feelings and replacing them with positive affirmations and cognitive restructuring techniques to form a loving relationship is essential.

Rewiring an anxious attachment is a complex process that requires self-awareness, positive self-talk, regulating emotions, healthy communication, and a positive outlook.

Individuals can rewire their emotions with time and effort and lead healthy and fulfilling lives.

Contact Trusted Psychics today to move forwards on your journey of life.

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